Tag: using your words

No Rewards for the Bare Minimum

No Rewards for the Bare Minimum

On a weekend trip to Boston, several years ago, I met a cute guy at a club. We danced and made out, and at the end of the night we made plans to meet up at his place for a pancake breakfast the next morning. After a horrible trudge through the snow in sneakers, and … Continue reading No Rewards for the Bare Minimum

How Should a Community Respond to Abuse?

How Should a Community Respond to Abuse?

So, what *should* a community do when one of their members has been accused of abuse? At its conception, the community needs to make a choice: Is their policy “believe victims, eject abusers” ? That’s a valid approach. It means that people will lose out on a communal social resource for misunderstandings, co-dependent toxic dynamics, … Continue reading How Should a Community Respond to Abuse?

Who You Are in “Real Life”

Who You Are in “Real Life”

I was speaking with a friend the other week, and asked if I could take a moment to vent about another, non-present friend. “She’s so cold and rude to me,” I complained. “Whenever she screws up, she makes excuses for how it wasn’t her fault, or gets angry that I brought up the thing she … Continue reading Who You Are in “Real Life”

sometimes people get upset

sometimes people get upset

Sometimes, people get upset. Sometimes is hopefully not all of the time. People can be children or friends or partners or siblings or students or parents. Upset can be angry or sad or distressed or uncomfortable. Here's a few tricks to deal with that.   Please note: these tricks mostly only work on your peers, … Continue reading sometimes people get upset

Productive Conversations

Productive Conversations

What is a productive conversation? A productive conversation is a conversation in which all members feel heard, they feel like their concerns or thoughts are validated (even if no one else agrees with them), and all members come out of it with a similar idea of the next step. It can be about something as … Continue reading Productive Conversations

Learn to Zoop! (argument de-escalation)

Learn to Zoop! (argument de-escalation)

Do you catch yourself getting into arguments frequently? Are you tired of getting all fired up and angry? Are you willing to do a little bit of work to keep a calm household? Check this out: Learn to “zoop”*! When two people get into an argument, it’s rarely an immediate explosion. Most arguments start with: … Continue reading Learn to Zoop! (argument de-escalation)