Tag: using your words
In my post on the difference between enthusiastic consent and explicit consent, I mentioned that in long term relationships, people sometimes have motivations for sex other than libido. People have sex to build intimacy, try to get pregnant, release stress, for relationship maintenance… There are a ton of reasons to get up close and personal … Continue reading On Being “Seducible”
While getting ready for work one morning, one of my partners said, “I have 10 hours banked up. I’m not *really* needed in the office today. Maybe I should just take the whole day off.” “You could do that,” I responded, “but you probably shouldn’t. They’d like you to give input in that meeting at … Continue reading Why It’s So Easy to be Gaslit in Relationships
On a weekend trip to Boston, several years ago, I met a cute guy at a club. We danced and made out, and at the end of the night we made plans to meet up at his place for a pancake breakfast the next morning. After a horrible trudge through the snow in sneakers, and … Continue reading No Rewards for the Bare Minimum
So, what *should* a community do when one of their members has been accused of abuse? At its conception, the community needs to make a choice: Is their policy “believe victims, eject abusers” ? That’s a valid approach. It means that people will lose out on a communal social resource for misunderstandings, co-dependent toxic dynamics, … Continue reading How Should a Community Respond to Abuse?
I was speaking with a friend the other week, and asked if I could take a moment to vent about another, non-present friend. “She’s so cold and rude to me,” I complained. “Whenever she screws up, she makes excuses for how it wasn’t her fault, or gets angry that I brought up the thing she … Continue reading Who You Are in “Real Life”
Something doesn't have to be terrible for you to take steps to fix it. I have a backpack, and I frequently overfill it to the extent that I cause myself severe back pain. When I start cramping up between my shoulder blades, I remember that I can hoist up my bag and fasten it … Continue reading Fix the Small Problems
(CW for c*** and p****) Petition to allow “vulva” to be a sensual word. Not necessarily a sexual word. A vulva is a normal part of the anatomy, and we don’t need to sexualize it in all contexts. The vulva is something that can get hurt, or be painful. It can have medical … Continue reading The Sensual Vulva
Sometimes, people get upset. Sometimes is hopefully not all of the time. People can be children or friends or partners or siblings or students or parents. Upset can be angry or sad or distressed or uncomfortable. Here's a few tricks to deal with that. Please note: these tricks mostly only work on your peers, … Continue reading sometimes people get upset
What is a productive conversation? A productive conversation is a conversation in which all members feel heard, they feel like their concerns or thoughts are validated (even if no one else agrees with them), and all members come out of it with a similar idea of the next step. It can be about something as … Continue reading Productive Conversations
Do you catch yourself getting into arguments frequently? Are you tired of getting all fired up and angry? Are you willing to do a little bit of work to keep a calm household? Check this out: Learn to “zoop”*! When two people get into an argument, it’s rarely an immediate explosion. Most arguments start with: … Continue reading Learn to Zoop! (argument de-escalation)
Cerebral Sexuality 