cw: rape, sexual assault, violence . . . . Folks, especially men: when you hear about sexual assault or rape, your first response should not be to threaten violence. “I’d kill a rapist” is something that we frequently hear from loud, male feminists as a knee-jerk response to hearing about sexual violence. Offers to fight … Continue reading Violence Towards Sexual Assailants
Tag: caring for others
Sexual Behaviorism I work as a sexual behavior specialist for adults with intellectual disabilities. That means that I work with clients to help them make healthy behavior changes within the realm of sexual needs. Okay, so…what does that mean? Behaviorists believe that every behavior has a cause. No action appears out of the blue. We … Continue reading Birth Control and Intellectual Disabilities
Can you fix a toxic relationship? How about an abusive one? If you’re in an abusive relationship, the first step is to ask yourself if you really want to fix your relationship. An abusive partner does not respect you. They think that they are entitled to control your existence and your experience as a human. … Continue reading How to Fix Toxic or Abusive Relationships
How do you decide if someone’s behavior is toxic or if it’s abusive? That’s a really, really difficult question. It can be tough to clearly assess what someone’s motivation is through a lens of love or a lens of pain. We all have personal context that colors our judgment. We’re often inclined to give our … Continue reading Is it Toxic or Abusive?
While getting ready for work one morning, one of my partners said, “I have 10 hours banked up. I’m not *really* needed in the office today. Maybe I should just take the whole day off.” “You could do that,” I responded, “but you probably shouldn’t. They’d like you to give input in that meeting at … Continue reading Why It’s So Easy to be Gaslit in Relationships
On a weekend trip to Boston, several years ago, I met a cute guy at a club. We danced and made out, and at the end of the night we made plans to meet up at his place for a pancake breakfast the next morning. After a horrible trudge through the snow in sneakers, and … Continue reading No Rewards for the Bare Minimum
I was speaking with a friend the other week, and asked if I could take a moment to vent about another, non-present friend. “She’s so cold and rude to me,” I complained. “Whenever she screws up, she makes excuses for how it wasn’t her fault, or gets angry that I brought up the thing she … Continue reading Who You Are in “Real Life”
What do you owe other people? Well, it depends on who they are. Generally, I’m of the opinion that you don’t owe anyone anything. “Owe” specifically indicates an obligation – something that you have to do, or it would be unfair and not okay for you to not-do. There are *very* few circumstances where I … Continue reading What do You Owe Others?
Happy Friday! Today’s post bridges the gap between my series on consent and an upcoming series on communication. Quick thought today: when someone sets a boundary, thank them. When interacting with another person in a social setting, one goal might be that everyone involved be happy and comfortable. You don’t want anyone to … Continue reading Appreciating Boundaries
My dear activist friends: When posting images in defiance of White supremacy and antisemitism, please remember the reaction that your Black and Jewish friends may have to seeing confederate flags and swastikas. I can’t speak for Black folks, so I’ll refer just to swastikas after this, but keep this in mind when posting either image. … Continue reading Stop Posting Swastikas!