Nicki Minaj is cancelled. Benedict Cumberbatch is cancelled. James Gunn is cancelled. Taylor Swift is cancelled. Ilana Glazer is cancelled. Cardi B is cancelled. Rowan Atkinson is cancelled. Everyone is cancelled. And we need to stop saying that people are cancelled. What does that even mean? Who says that? When someone is cancelled, it means … Continue reading No, No One Is Cancelled
Is it Toxic or Abusive?
How do you decide if someone’s behavior is toxic or if it’s abusive? That’s a really, really difficult question. It can be tough to clearly assess what someone’s motivation is through a lens of love or a lens of pain. We all have personal context that colors our judgment. We’re often inclined to give our … Continue reading Is it Toxic or Abusive?
Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships
What is the difference between a toxic relationship and an abusive relationship? A lot of people use either of those phrases to talk about unhealthy or damaging relationships, but we don’t have a clear breakdown as to what constitutes as toxic behavior, and what constitutes as abusive behavior. It’s often ambiguous, even to the people … Continue reading Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships
What Gaslighting Isn’t
Something I frequently see is people using the phrase “gaslighting” to describe argument tactics in one-off online conversations. The problem with this is that gaslighting is something specific: the act of deliberately manipulating a person to doubt their sanity and judgment over a period of time. It’s not questioning someone’s judgment, it’s not calling someone’s … Continue reading What Gaslighting Isn’t
Who You Are in “Real Life”
I was speaking with a friend the other week, and asked if I could take a moment to vent about another, non-present friend. “She’s so cold and rude to me,” I complained. “Whenever she screws up, she makes excuses for how it wasn’t her fault, or gets angry that I brought up the thing she … Continue reading Who You Are in “Real Life”
sometimes people get upset
Sometimes, people get upset. Sometimes is hopefully not all of the time. People can be children or friends or partners or siblings or students or parents. Upset can be angry or sad or distressed or uncomfortable. Here's a few tricks to deal with that. Please note: these tricks mostly only work on your peers, … Continue reading sometimes people get upset
What is a productive conversation? A productive conversation is a conversation in which all members feel heard, they feel like their concerns or thoughts are validated (even if no one else agrees with them), and all members come out of it with a similar idea of the next step. It can be about something as … Continue reading Productive Conversations
Learn to Zoop! (argument de-escalation)
Do you catch yourself getting into arguments frequently? Are you tired of getting all fired up and angry? Are you willing to do a little bit of work to keep a calm household? Check this out: Learn to “zoop”*! When two people get into an argument, it’s rarely an immediate explosion. Most arguments start with: … Continue reading Learn to Zoop! (argument de-escalation)