A quick thought, for people wondering if any of their friends, acquaintances, or community members are abusers: Where are their exes? It’s always possible that a particular break-up was too painful for continued contact – that happens a lot. We switch social circles and communities often, to optimize comfort and support. But a … Continue reading Where Are Their Exes?
Tag: community building
How Should a Community Respond to Abuse?
So, what *should* a community do when one of their members has been accused of abuse? At its conception, the community needs to make a choice: Is their policy “believe victims, eject abusers” ? That’s a valid approach. It means that people will lose out on a communal social resource for misunderstandings, co-dependent toxic dynamics, … Continue reading How Should a Community Respond to Abuse?
Abusers with Social Capital: What Happens?
cw: abuse What happens when your abuser has more social capital than you do? Something that I see often is consent-driven communities that have an abuser problem. Why does this happen? Because the community is hierarchy based (as all communities are), and doesn’t have a way to address, let alone remove, abusers with … Continue reading Abusers with Social Capital: What Happens?
Try saying “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”
What can a favor look like? Maybe you didn’t plan your day out very well, and you didn’t leave yourself time to grocery shop, so someone else does that shopping for you. Or you’re running late for work, so your partner makes you breakfast and lunch. Or your friend is willing to reschedule quality time, … Continue reading Try saying “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”
Responsible Authority and Leadership
If you are a leader or administrator or parent or dominant or figure of authority in any way, listen up. You need to learn when sticking to your guns is a bad idea. If you make a decision/ take a decisive action/ implement a policy/ endorse a person or situation, and there’s backlash, … Continue reading Responsible Authority and Leadership
What do You Owe Others?
What do you owe other people? Well, it depends on who they are. Generally, I’m of the opinion that you don’t owe anyone anything. “Owe” specifically indicates an obligation – something that you have to do, or it would be unfair and not okay for you to not-do. There are *very* few circumstances where I … Continue reading What do You Owe Others?