How to give a compliment to a stranger (without making them uncomfortable). If a man pays a woman a compliment, he usually uses it to a) sexualize her with the compliment, or b) open up a conversation with the compliment. If you want to pay a stranger a compliment, you need to make clear … Continue reading Comfortable Compliments
I was speaking with a friend the other week, and asked if I could take a moment to vent about another, non-present friend. “She’s so cold and rude to me,” I complained. “Whenever she screws up, she makes excuses for how it wasn’t her fault, or gets angry that I brought up the thing she … Continue reading Who You Are in “Real Life”
cw: abuse What happens when your abuser has more social capital than you do? Something that I see often is consent-driven communities that have an abuser problem. Why does this happen? Because the community is hierarchy based (as all communities are), and doesn’t have a way to address, let alone remove, abusers with … Continue reading Abusers with Social Capital: What Happens?
Besides the emotional differences between monogamy and polyamory, there are some logistical differences. The big one is, of course, scheduling, but there’s also the possibility of having to restructure how you communicate, prioritize time and energy, care for your health, and show consideration and respect in intimate ways to more people than you’re used to. … Continue reading Polyamorous Logistics!
I tend to find that people come to polyamory in one of two ways. One, they’re in an existing dyad, and one or both partners decide together that their relationship will be improved by opening it up, or that they will both be happier/living more ethically in a non-monogamous relationship. Two, someone finds out about … Continue reading Polyam Motivation! Why Open Up?
Being sex positive does not mean teaching that sex isn’t risky. I got some confused and upset private responses* to last week’s blog post, specifically to the part where I said that partnered sex is a risky and complicated activity, and is an activity for adults. The folks who were concerned felt like calling … Continue reading Sex is Risky (But Good!)
Something that I sometimes hear from sex positive educators and adults is “if people aren’t comfortable talking about sex, they shouldn’t be having it.” And like, okay, that’s a really valid desire. I *also* want to make sure that everyone is communicating clearly and explicitly about everything, and especially something so risky and complicated as … Continue reading Negotiating Sex with Shy People
What can a favor look like? Maybe you didn’t plan your day out very well, and you didn’t leave yourself time to grocery shop, so someone else does that shopping for you. Or you’re running late for work, so your partner makes you breakfast and lunch. Or your friend is willing to reschedule quality time, … Continue reading Try saying “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”
Someone asked me to write the pros and cons of masturbation. I’ll be doing that, plus I have a few thoughts about how we talk about masturbation. So, here we go! Pros of masturbation: It feels good It can reduce headaches and muscle tension It can reduce stress If you have an orgasm (which … Continue reading Masturbation: Pros & Cons
Today, I'm talking about kinks that mimic illegal or unethical acts. So content warning for discussions of pedophilia, rape, incest, and other stuff that is bad. . . . . . . . . . . . . . First, I'm going to define some kink terms and dynamics, for those who are unfamiliar: … Continue reading Consensual Kinks Aren’t Unethical