cw: food, calories, health, mention of eating disorders. . . . . Sometime last year, I was chatting with a family member on the phone while I was cooking dinner. We chatted while I chopped veggies and cooked quinoa and roasted beets. What was I going to put on top of this fresh summer salad, … Continue reading Shut up, Shut up About Calories
Besides the emotional differences between monogamy and polyamory, there are some logistical differences. The big one is, of course, scheduling, but there’s also the possibility of having to restructure how you communicate, prioritize time and energy, care for your health, and show consideration and respect in intimate ways to more people than you’re used to. … Continue reading Polyamorous Logistics!
During a conversation with my housemates this morning, one of them asked, “is Andy* a good man?” And I responded, “probably.” I’ve thought long and hard about it and spent a lot of time combing through lists of friends, and I can think of 10, maybe 15 men that I would vouch for as … Continue reading Looking for a “Good” Man
Cisgender folks, when you introduce yourself to someone new in a social setting, I suggest sharing your pronouns. “Hi, I’m Galia – I use she/her pronouns. It’s nice to meet you!” This opens the conversation up for other people to share their pronouns with you. Why is this important? Well, someone might have … Continue reading The Cisgender Introduction
I tend to find that people come to polyamory in one of two ways. One, they’re in an existing dyad, and one or both partners decide together that their relationship will be improved by opening it up, or that they will both be happier/living more ethically in a non-monogamous relationship. Two, someone finds out about … Continue reading Polyam Motivation! Why Open Up?
The next several posts will be about polyamory, so today we get a quick primer. Monogamy is the idea that one person should or will fulfill all of your romantic and sexual needs (or at least, that you should only be having sex and romantic connections with one person). There’s nothing inherently wrong with … Continue reading Polyamory Primer
A brief interlude about vaginal discharge. Most vaginas produce discharge. The vagina is a mucous membrane, and in order to stay clean and damp, constantly produces tiny amounts of clear or white-ish discharge. It’s one of the reason that women’s underpants have a second layer of fabric in the crotch – it catches that … Continue reading Vagina Snot
What are we asking for men to do when they hear another man say something inappropriate? Say “hey, whoah, that’s not cool,” IN THE MOMENT. Don’t come up to women afterwards and say “man, that was weird, wasn’t it?” or “I’m so sorry he said that, I could tell it made you uncomfortable,” or … Continue reading What Should Men Do?
Being sex positive does not mean teaching that sex isn’t risky. I got some confused and upset private responses* to last week’s blog post, specifically to the part where I said that partnered sex is a risky and complicated activity, and is an activity for adults. The folks who were concerned felt like calling … Continue reading Sex is Risky (But Good!)
Something that I sometimes hear from sex positive educators and adults is “if people aren’t comfortable talking about sex, they shouldn’t be having it.” And like, okay, that’s a really valid desire. I *also* want to make sure that everyone is communicating clearly and explicitly about everything, and especially something so risky and complicated as … Continue reading Negotiating Sex with Shy People