In my post on the difference between enthusiastic consent and explicit consent, I mentioned that in long term relationships, people sometimes have motivations for sex other than libido. People have sex to build intimacy, try to get pregnant, release stress, for relationship maintenance… There are a ton of reasons to get up close and personal … Continue reading On Being “Seducible”
How to Fix Toxic or Abusive Relationships
Can you fix a toxic relationship? How about an abusive one? If you’re in an abusive relationship, the first step is to ask yourself if you really want to fix your relationship. An abusive partner does not respect you. They think that they are entitled to control your existence and your experience as a human. … Continue reading How to Fix Toxic or Abusive Relationships
Is it Toxic or Abusive?
How do you decide if someone’s behavior is toxic or if it’s abusive? That’s a really, really difficult question. It can be tough to clearly assess what someone’s motivation is through a lens of love or a lens of pain. We all have personal context that colors our judgment. We’re often inclined to give our … Continue reading Is it Toxic or Abusive?
Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships
What is the difference between a toxic relationship and an abusive relationship? A lot of people use either of those phrases to talk about unhealthy or damaging relationships, but we don’t have a clear breakdown as to what constitutes as toxic behavior, and what constitutes as abusive behavior. It’s often ambiguous, even to the people … Continue reading Toxic Relationships vs. Abusive Relationships
What is Gaslighting?
cw: abuse and abusive relationships. . . . What is gaslighting? The textbook definition of gaslighting is an abuse technique used in long term relationships, where one partner manipulates the other into questioning their memory, sanity, or perception of reality. It places the abused partner in a position of vulnerability, where they don't trust … Continue reading What is Gaslighting?
Hi folks! Yesterday, we talked about asexuality, so today it must be time for Aromanticism! 2) Aromantic What does it mean to be aromantic? Well, remember that the prefix "a" means "not". So aromantic folks are not-romantic! Now, I don't mean that they're just super staid in their relationships, and hate flowers and candles. I … Continue reading Aromantic 101
Where Are Their Exes?
A quick thought, for people wondering if any of their friends, acquaintances, or community members are abusers: Where are their exes? It’s always possible that a particular break-up was too painful for continued contact – that happens a lot. We switch social circles and communities often, to optimize comfort and support. But a … Continue reading Where Are Their Exes?
June is Pride Month
It's pride month! I'm going to do a quick breakdown of the pride acronym and share a few variations! The most common acronym that you'll see around is LGBTQ . You'll also get LGBT, LGBTQIA, LGBTQIAP, LGBTQ+, LGB, QuILTBAG, etc . These letters stand for: Lesbian – a woman who is primarily or exclusively attracted … Continue reading June is Pride Month
Abusers with Social Capital: What Happens?
cw: abuse What happens when your abuser has more social capital than you do? Something that I see often is consent-driven communities that have an abuser problem. Why does this happen? Because the community is hierarchy based (as all communities are), and doesn’t have a way to address, let alone remove, abusers with … Continue reading Abusers with Social Capital: What Happens?
Besides the emotional differences between monogamy and polyamory, there are some logistical differences. The big one is, of course, scheduling, but there’s also the possibility of having to restructure how you communicate, prioritize time and energy, care for your health, and show consideration and respect in intimate ways to more people than you’re used to. … Continue reading Polyamorous Logistics!