Tag: romance

Negotiating Sex with Shy People

Negotiating Sex with Shy People

Something that I sometimes hear from sex positive educators and adults is “if people aren’t comfortable talking about sex, they shouldn’t be having it.” And like, okay, that’s a really valid desire. I *also* want to make sure that everyone is communicating clearly and explicitly about everything, and especially something so risky and complicated as … Continue reading Negotiating Sex with Shy People

Sexual Pleasure is a Right

Sexual Pleasure is a Right

This post is going to involve a lot of carefully defined terms.     1. There’s a difference between saying that everyone has the right to have sex, and everyone is entitled to have sex. I’m carefully not using the word “deserves” in that sentence, because it’s a tricky word that has different connotations, depending … Continue reading Sexual Pleasure is a Right

Compromises! Or, the Thumb Trick

Compromises! Or, the Thumb Trick

  Sometimes, we indicate preference because we feel strongly about a thing. And sometimes we indicate preference, but we don’t care *that* much. How can we communicate this?   I wrote last week about respecting and appreciating boundaries. For thanking people when they tell you what they want and need, because it will make your … Continue reading Compromises! Or, the Thumb Trick

Enthusiastic versus Explicit Consent

Enthusiastic versus Explicit Consent

Enthusiastic versus Explicit Consent: When you first meet a sex partner, and you’re asking for clear and verbal consent, the last thing you want is a lackluster reply. “Can I go down on you?” “Uh, sure, I guess so.” That response is technically a “yes,” but it certainly doesn’t sound like a person who wants … Continue reading Enthusiastic versus Explicit Consent

You don’t have to love my mental illness

You don’t have to love my mental illness

Today I’m thinking about this: It’s possible to love someone, hugely and entirely, and not love every single thing about them. We see romantic declarations in media where a woman feels insecure about herself and lists off a few flaws, and her romantic interest insists that he loves ALL of her, including her flaws, because … Continue reading You don’t have to love my mental illness