cw: abuse and abusive relationships. . . . What is gaslighting? The textbook definition of gaslighting is an abuse technique used in long term relationships, where one partner manipulates the other into questioning their memory, sanity, or perception of reality. It places the abused partner in a position of vulnerability, where they don't trust … Continue reading What is Gaslighting?
Misgendering: Never Okay!
In my last few posts about respecting the pronouns of transgender people, I've used language like "if a friend changed their pronouns..." or "when speaking with a trans loved one..." when I've explained how important it is to use gender affirming pronouns. What I want to make clear is also this: if a transgender person … Continue reading Misgendering: Never Okay!
When NOT to Use Singular They
Something I occasionally see is cis people using the singular "they" to avoid correctly gendering binary trans people. And that's not okay. Singular "they" is a valid, grammatically correct pronoun to use for non-binary individuals who want to be called that. People who use they/them pronouns are usually people who don't identify as men or … Continue reading When NOT to Use Singular They
What are non-binary pronouns? Well, let’s start with binary pronouns. Binary pronouns are the pronouns that correspond with the binary genders of male and female. Women use she/her/hers, and men use he/him/his. She is very nice. It belongs to her. It is hers. He is very nice. It belongs to him. It is his. If … Continue reading Non-Binary Pronouns
We’re Here and We’re Queer
I remember talking with my father last summer – we chatted about my relationships, my social circle, my writing. At some point in the conversation, he asked “isn’t queer a slur? Why do you call yourself that?” There are a few reasons why people might use the word “queer” to describe themselves. One … Continue reading We’re Here and We’re Queer
Looking for a “Good” Man
During a conversation with my housemates this morning, one of them asked, “is Andy* a good man?” And I responded, “probably.” I’ve thought long and hard about it and spent a lot of time combing through lists of friends, and I can think of 10, maybe 15 men that I would vouch for as … Continue reading Looking for a “Good” Man
Masturbation: Pros & Cons
Someone asked me to write the pros and cons of masturbation. I’ll be doing that, plus I have a few thoughts about how we talk about masturbation. So, here we go! Pros of masturbation: It feels good It can reduce headaches and muscle tension It can reduce stress If you have an orgasm (which … Continue reading Masturbation: Pros & Cons
The Sensual Vulva
(CW for c*** and p****) Petition to allow “vulva” to be a sensual word. Not necessarily a sexual word. A vulva is a normal part of the anatomy, and we don’t need to sexualize it in all contexts. The vulva is something that can get hurt, or be painful. It can have medical … Continue reading The Sensual Vulva
Intentional Lexical Assimilation
Each of us learns words through context. Sure, we look up dictionary definitions for some words, but the rest we pick up by hearing them being used. In books, in conversations, in movies or songs. Sometimes we learn words by asking a parent, “what does that mean?” and the reply our parent gives us is … Continue reading Intentional Lexical Assimilation
sometimes people get upset
Sometimes, people get upset. Sometimes is hopefully not all of the time. People can be children or friends or partners or siblings or students or parents. Upset can be angry or sad or distressed or uncomfortable. Here's a few tricks to deal with that. Please note: these tricks mostly only work on your peers, … Continue reading sometimes people get upset