Tag: consent
cw: rape, sexual assault, violence . . . . Folks, especially men: when you hear about sexual assault or rape, your first response should not be to threaten violence. “I’d kill a rapist” is something that we frequently hear from loud, male feminists as a knee-jerk response to hearing about sexual violence. Offers to fight … Continue reading Violence Towards Sexual Assailants
Sexual Behaviorism I work as a sexual behavior specialist for adults with intellectual disabilities. That means that I work with clients to help them make healthy behavior changes within the realm of sexual needs. Okay, so…what does that mean? Behaviorists believe that every behavior has a cause. No action appears out of the blue. We … Continue reading Birth Control and Intellectual Disabilities
In my post on the difference between enthusiastic consent and explicit consent, I mentioned that in long term relationships, people sometimes have motivations for sex other than libido. People have sex to build intimacy, try to get pregnant, release stress, for relationship maintenance… There are a ton of reasons to get up close and personal … Continue reading On Being “Seducible”
On a weekend trip to Boston, several years ago, I met a cute guy at a club. We danced and made out, and at the end of the night we made plans to meet up at his place for a pancake breakfast the next morning. After a horrible trudge through the snow in sneakers, and … Continue reading No Rewards for the Bare Minimum
Something that I sometimes hear from sex positive educators and adults is “if people aren’t comfortable talking about sex, they shouldn’t be having it.” And like, okay, that’s a really valid desire. I *also* want to make sure that everyone is communicating clearly and explicitly about everything, and especially something so risky and complicated as … Continue reading Negotiating Sex with Shy People
Today, I'm talking about kinks that mimic illegal or unethical acts. So content warning for discussions of pedophilia, rape, incest, and other stuff that is bad. . . . . . . . . . . . . . First, I'm going to define some kink terms and dynamics, for those who are unfamiliar: … Continue reading Consensual Kinks Aren’t Unethical
You guys, it’s time to talk about large age gaps in relationships. Specifically, when men in their 30s and 40s date woman* in their late teens and early 20s. Let's break down why it happens, why it can be dangerous, and best practices, if you do end up in a relationship like that. I … Continue reading It’s Time to Talk About Age Gaps
This was inspired by a conversation about Aziz Ansari, as you can likely guess. Imagine if I made you a sandwich. I was being very nice to make you a sandwich! But you’re full, or allergic to what I made, or you don’t like wheat bread, or whatever. And I WANT you to eat … Continue reading Sandwiches as a Metaphor
CW: sexual assault, Aziz Ansari analysis The goal of sex is not to “convince” your partner to have sex with you. The goal of sex is not to “get away” with something Over the weekend, a woman shared her story about being sexually assaulted by Aziz Ansari. I do … Continue reading Uncoerced Sex
Enthusiastic versus Explicit Consent: When you first meet a sex partner, and you’re asking for clear and verbal consent, the last thing you want is a lackluster reply. “Can I go down on you?” “Uh, sure, I guess so.” That response is technically a “yes,” but it certainly doesn’t sound like a person who wants … Continue reading Enthusiastic versus Explicit Consent
Cerebral Sexuality 