cw: rape, sexual assault, violence . . . . Folks, especially men: when you hear about sexual assault or rape, your first response should not be to threaten violence. “I’d kill a rapist” is something that we frequently hear from loud, male feminists as a knee-jerk response to hearing about sexual violence. Offers to fight … Continue reading Violence Towards Sexual Assailants
During a conversation with my housemates this morning, one of them asked, “is Andy* a good man?” And I responded, “probably.” I’ve thought long and hard about it and spent a lot of time combing through lists of friends, and I can think of 10, maybe 15 men that I would vouch for as … Continue reading Looking for a “Good” Man
What are we asking for men to do when they hear another man say something inappropriate? Say “hey, whoah, that’s not cool,” IN THE MOMENT. Don’t come up to women afterwards and say “man, that was weird, wasn’t it?” or “I’m so sorry he said that, I could tell it made you uncomfortable,” or … Continue reading What Should Men Do?
Men, you need to get a clue: stop messaging women who aren’t responding to you. Even if you’re being polite. Even if you’re being thoughtful and flattering. Even if your messages are about women’s talents and hard work and intelligence, and not just their appearances. If you’re shouting into the void, stop shouting. Women don’t … Continue reading Men, Stop Talking
Doing emotional labor is only easier for adult women because we’ve been doing it our entire lives. We’ve always been expected to carry the weight of solving our relationship problems, and to hold the burdens of our loved ones’ difficulties. By the time we’re adults, we’ve been navigating our own minds and needs for … Continue reading Transitioning the Burden of Emotional Labor
Whenever there is a story or a headline talking about something that “a man” or “men” have done, feminist-flagging dudes flock to respond: “that’s not a man! He may be a *male*, but real men do _____,” or “a man would never treat you that way – that’s a boy.” Y’all, you are being … Continue reading Men, not Males
“It’s not your job to fix men” doesn’t mean “men don’t deserve support and care”. Men can have injuries. Men can be stressed from work. They can struggle with mental illness, or be overwhelmed by social changes, or feel angry and hurt. They can be confused and upset. Men can be depressed or anxious, and … Continue reading It’s Not Your Job to Fix Men