cw: abuse and abusive relationships. . . . What is gaslighting? The textbook definition of gaslighting is an abuse technique used in long term relationships, where one partner manipulates the other into questioning their memory, sanity, or perception of reality. It places the abused partner in a position of vulnerability, where they don't trust … Continue reading What is Gaslighting?
On a weekend trip to Boston, several years ago, I met a cute guy at a club. We danced and made out, and at the end of the night we made plans to meet up at his place for a pancake breakfast the next morning. After a horrible trudge through the snow in sneakers, and … Continue reading No Rewards for the Bare Minimum
In my last few posts about respecting the pronouns of transgender people, I've used language like "if a friend changed their pronouns..." or "when speaking with a trans loved one..." when I've explained how important it is to use gender affirming pronouns. What I want to make clear is also this: if a transgender person … Continue reading Misgendering: Never Okay!
Something I occasionally see is cis people using the singular "they" to avoid correctly gendering binary trans people. And that's not okay. Singular "they" is a valid, grammatically correct pronoun to use for non-binary individuals who want to be called that. People who use they/them pronouns are usually people who don't identify as men or … Continue reading When NOT to Use Singular They
What are non-binary pronouns? Well, let’s start with binary pronouns. Binary pronouns are the pronouns that correspond with the binary genders of male and female. Women use she/her/hers, and men use he/him/his. She is very nice. It belongs to her. It is hers. He is very nice. It belongs to him. It is his. If … Continue reading Non-Binary Pronouns
What is bisexual erasure? Bisexual erasure (also called bisexual invisibility) is when the existence of bisexuality is questioned, ignored, or denied, either as an entire concept or as one person's sexual orientation. It can be as obvious as jeeringly telling a bisexual person to "pick a side", or as subtle as referring to all women … Continue reading Bi Visibility
I remember talking with my father last summer – we chatted about my relationships, my social circle, my writing. At some point in the conversation, he asked “isn’t queer a slur? Why do you call yourself that?” There are a few reasons why people might use the word “queer” to describe themselves. One … Continue reading We’re Here and We’re Queer
I am a woman. When I wear a dress, I am wearing a woman’s dress. Not because the dress indicates that I am a woman, but because it’s my dress and I am a woman. If I decide that I’m not a fan of this dress anymore and I give it to a man, the … Continue reading Clothing Has No Gender
How sexual trauma can affect sexual attraction and orientation, and the implications for queer fights and queer rights. A lot of times when someone comes out of the closet as queer, ignorant people assume that it’s because they’ve experienced sexual trauma. They figure, someone must have hurt this person to make them no longer want … Continue reading Sexual Trauma and Queer Rights
What does it mean to be Questioning? Well, we spend our whole lives asking external questions. From “wha dat?” as a baby, to “how do checks work?” as young adults, to “how will I afford this?” throughout adulthood (whomp whomp, millennial humor). From toddlerhood, we also start asking internal questions. “Why does my tummy hurt?” … Continue reading Q is for Questioning