Author: galiagodel
So, what *should* a community do when one of their members has been accused of abuse? At its conception, the community needs to make a choice: Is their policy “believe victims, eject abusers” ? That’s a valid approach. It means that people will lose out on a communal social resource for misunderstandings, co-dependent toxic dynamics, … Continue reading How Should a Community Respond to Abuse?
How to give a compliment to a stranger (without making them uncomfortable). If a man pays a woman a compliment, he usually uses it to a) sexualize her with the compliment, or b) open up a conversation with the compliment. So if you want to pay a stranger a compliment, you need to make … Continue reading Comfortable Compliments
I was speaking with a friend the other week, and asked if I could take a moment to vent about another, non-present friend. “She’s so cold and rude to me,” I complained. “Whenever she screws up, she makes excuses for how it wasn’t her fault, or gets angry that I brought up the thing she … Continue reading Who You Are in “Real Life”
cw: abuse What happens when your abuser has more social capital than you do? Something that I see often is consent-driven communities that have an abuser problem. Why does this happen? Because the community is hierarchy based (as all communities are), and doesn’t have a way to address, let alone remove, abusers with … Continue reading Abusers with Social Capital: What Happens?
cw: food, calories, health, mention of eating disorders. . . . . Sometime last year, I was chatting with a family member on the phone while I was cooking dinner. We chatted while I chopped veggies and cooked quinoa and roasted beets. What was I going to put on top of this fresh summer salad, … Continue reading Shut up, Shut up About Calories
Besides the emotional differences between monogamy and polyamory, there are some logistical differences. The big one is, of course, scheduling, but there’s also the possibility of having to restructure how you communicate, prioritize time and energy, care for your health, and show consideration and respect in intimate ways to more people than you’re used to. … Continue reading Polyamorous Logistics!
During a conversation with my housemates this morning, one of them asked, “is Andy* a good man?” And I responded, “probably.” I’ve thought long and hard about it and spent a lot of time combing through lists of friends, and I can think of 10, maybe 15 men that I would vouch for as … Continue reading Looking for a “Good” Man
Cisgender folks, when you introduce yourself to someone new in a social setting, I suggest sharing your pronouns. “Hi, I’m Galia – I use she/her pronouns. It’s nice to meet you!” This opens the conversation up for other people to share their pronouns with you. Why is this important? Well, someone might have … Continue reading The Cisgender Introduction
I tend to find that people come to polyamory in one of two ways. One, they’re in an existing dyad, and one or both partners decide together that their relationship will be improved by opening it up, or that they will both be happier/living more ethically in a non-monogamous relationship. Two, someone finds out about … Continue reading Polyam Motivation! Why Open Up?
The next several posts will be about polyamory, so today we get a quick primer. Monogamy is the idea that one person should or will fulfill all of your romantic and sexual needs (or at least, that you should only be having sex and romantic connections with one person). There’s nothing inherently wrong with … Continue reading Polyamory Primer
Cerebral Sexuality 