Whenever there is a story or a headline talking about something that “a man” or “men” have done, feminist-flagging dudes flock to respond: “that’s not a man! He may be a *male*, but real men do _____,” or “a man would never treat you that way – that’s a boy.”

Y’all, you are being the opposite of helpful. All these stories about men’s behavior? That IS how men behave. That may not be how YOU behave, or how you want men to be seen, but that’s too bad. You don’t get to change the narrative from “a man hurt me in this way” to “that’s not a man who did that to you.”

You know what you’re doing, when you say that? You’re saying #NotAllMen.

So when you hear someone talking about something terrible that a man has done, bite your dang tongue and think to yourself, “how can I change the behavior of other men to better match how I want my gender to be seen?”

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