Tag: relationships
What is a productive conversation? A productive conversation is a conversation in which all members feel heard, they feel like their concerns or thoughts are validated (even if no one else agrees with them), and all members come out of it with a similar idea of the next step. It can be about something as … Continue reading Productive Conversations
Do you catch yourself getting into arguments frequently? Are you tired of getting all fired up and angry? Are you willing to do a little bit of work to keep a calm household? Check this out: Learn to “zoop”*! When two people get into an argument, it’s rarely an immediate explosion. Most arguments start with: … Continue reading Learn to Zoop! (argument de-escalation)
In my Submission 101 class over the weekend, one concept that people kept coming back to was that they wanted some bits or pieces of a typical kinky relationship, but not the other pieces. Three different people stayed after the class and loitered in corners until I was free, and they all asked essentially the … Continue reading Choose Your Own Adventure – Relationship Edition
What do you owe other people? Well, it depends on who they are. Generally, I’m of the opinion that you don’t owe anyone anything. “Owe” specifically indicates an obligation – something that you have to do, or it would be unfair and not okay for you to not-do. There are *very* few circumstances where I … Continue reading What do You Owe Others?
There is a difference between an excuse and an explanation. An explanation is designed to give someone all of the facts, and lay out the cause for something. An excuse is designed to push the fault for that thing away from oneself. Make sure that you use explanations frequently, and excuses sparingly. … Continue reading Excuses and Explanations
You guys, it’s time to talk about large age gaps in relationships. Specifically, when men in their 30s and 40s date woman* in their late teens and early 20s. Let's break down why it happens, why it can be dangerous, and best practices, if you do end up in a relationship like that. I … Continue reading It’s Time to Talk About Age Gaps
So you want to be a better communicator! What does that even mean? Part II - the tough stuff. Here are some tougher, but possibly more productive steps you can take to be a better communicator. Take more time before speaking Most conversations happen really quickly – we hear something, we formulate our … Continue reading Learning Communication – Part II
So you want to be a better communicator! What does that even mean? Part I - How to Begin Well, let’s start with your motivation. Why do you want to be a better communicator? A few of the reasons that folks have reached out to me in the past include: You want to have … Continue reading Learning Communication – Part I
In an ideal world, we’d all be experts at communication and setting boundaries from a very young age. Our parents, teachers, and peers would respect our words and provide positive reinforcement each time we took a stand, and we’d grow up knowing what we’re comfortable with and what we’re unsure about, and how to enforce … Continue reading Teaching Communication
Sometimes, we indicate preference because we feel strongly about a thing. And sometimes we indicate preference, but we don’t care *that* much. How can we communicate this? I wrote last week about respecting and appreciating boundaries. For thanking people when they tell you what they want and need, because it will make your … Continue reading Compromises! Or, the Thumb Trick
Cerebral Sexuality 