There is a difference between an excuse and an explanation. An explanation is designed to give someone all of the facts, and lay out the cause for something. An excuse is designed to push the fault for that thing away from oneself. Make sure that you use explanations frequently, and excuses sparingly. … Continue reading Excuses and Explanations
Tag: healthy relationships
It’s Time to Talk About Age Gaps
You guys, it’s time to talk about large age gaps in relationships. Specifically, when men in their 30s and 40s date woman* in their late teens and early 20s. Let's break down why it happens, why it can be dangerous, and best practices, if you do end up in a relationship like that. I … Continue reading It’s Time to Talk About Age Gaps
Learning Communication – Part II
So you want to be a better communicator! What does that even mean? Part II - the tough stuff. Here are some tougher, but possibly more productive steps you can take to be a better communicator. Take more time before speaking Most conversations happen really quickly – we hear something, we formulate our … Continue reading Learning Communication – Part II
Learning Communication – Part I
So you want to be a better communicator! What does that even mean? Part I - How to Begin Well, let’s start with your motivation. Why do you want to be a better communicator? A few of the reasons that folks have reached out to me in the past include: You want to have … Continue reading Learning Communication – Part I
Teaching Communication
In an ideal world, we’d all be experts at communication and setting boundaries from a very young age. Our parents, teachers, and peers would respect our words and provide positive reinforcement each time we took a stand, and we’d grow up knowing what we’re comfortable with and what we’re unsure about, and how to enforce … Continue reading Teaching Communication
Compromises! Or, the Thumb Trick
Sometimes, we indicate preference because we feel strongly about a thing. And sometimes we indicate preference, but we don’t care *that* much. How can we communicate this? I wrote last week about respecting and appreciating boundaries. For thanking people when they tell you what they want and need, because it will make your … Continue reading Compromises! Or, the Thumb Trick
Appreciating Boundaries
Happy Friday! Today’s post bridges the gap between my series on consent and an upcoming series on communication. Quick thought today: when someone sets a boundary, thank them. When interacting with another person in a social setting, one goal might be that everyone involved be happy and comfortable. You don’t want anyone to … Continue reading Appreciating Boundaries
It’s Not Your Job to Fix Men
“It’s not your job to fix men” doesn’t mean “men don’t deserve support and care”. Men can have injuries. Men can be stressed from work. They can struggle with mental illness, or be overwhelmed by social changes, or feel angry and hurt. They can be confused and upset. Men can be depressed or anxious, and … Continue reading It’s Not Your Job to Fix Men
You don’t have to love my mental illness
Today I’m thinking about this: It’s possible to love someone, hugely and entirely, and not love every single thing about them. We see romantic declarations in media where a woman feels insecure about herself and lists off a few flaws, and her romantic interest insists that he loves ALL of her, including her flaws, because … Continue reading You don’t have to love my mental illness
Relationship Communism
Some thoughts on using “relationship communism” to describe my version of polyamory: While the concept of “relationship anarchy” is appealing to me (each person makes their own decisions about who they want to or can date, usually influenced by the desires and needs of their other partners, but without a set hierarchy or assumed rules … Continue reading Relationship Communism